Tw4z t3h N1t3 B3f0r3 Xm4z by John Bambenek
based on "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" by
Major Henry Livingston Jr. (please don't sue me, the DMCA sucks)
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the LAN
Not a packet was stirring, not even the Nigerian scam.
The firewalls were set around the perimeter with care
In the hope that there wasn't an access point out there.
The users' downloading of MP3s is through
With the hopes that the RIAA will not sue.
And I had just cleaned my large cubicle space
In the hopes for a winter break at a nice, slow pace.
Then from the IDS there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my console to see what was the matter.
Away to the NOC I flew like a flash
And flung upon the door with a large crash.
The lights at half-strengh because the beancounters are cheap
Gave the lustre of doom to the workstations beneath.
When what to my wandering monitor should appear
But a few 0wned boxes and a bittorrent mirror.
With a root login from some overseas machine
I knew some script kiddie got past the firewall screen.
More rapid then the Santy worm could spread
He called out for more 'sploits much to my dread.
On botnets, on phishing, on spammers, on malware
Now hack PHP, p2p, VoIP, and windows messaging software
To the appication servers, to the database boxes
All I saw was "4ll ur b0x r b3l0ng t0 us".
As he worked past the defenses and inflitrated the internal net
I knew there was a long night ahead of me yet.
So to the private network the packets flew,
With a payload of goodies, and the script kiddie too.
Now the bittorrent mirror has only been up a few minutes yet,
But the MPAA's lawyer was off to court like a jet.
As I typed in commands to get it shut down
On to the admin VLAN, the kiddie came with a bound.
He walled my workstation, making the system beep sound,
As I looked behind me and all around,
I know the network was compromised and I moaned,
While the script kiddie messaged me only one word: "pwn3d".
He was a PFY, and went right back to work,
I thought to do this today he was some kind of jerk
He placed backdoors and botnets on all the systems with care,
There wasn't an uncompromised system to be found anywhere.
Satisfied all machines were cracked to his content,
And that his night's efforts were well spent,
He went off to hack in someone else's IP space
Thus ending this long nights craze.
He sprang out of the systems as fast as he came
And I spent the night patching systems, which was quite lame.
Later I read the email I got from him in the dark server room light
It said "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good Night!"